About My Mum

I have a horrid mother.  It’s difficult to admit but she does such nasty things that there is really no doubt about it.  I am fifteen now and am beginning to have views and likes and dislikes of my own.   But I am not allowed to disagree with my mother.  Her view stands and that’s it.   I am not talking about politics.  It’s more petty stuff like how long my hair is and wanting to be vegan when she likes meat. 

If I say anything she disagrees with, she starts shouting, saying I will never amount to anything.  That she wishes I had never been born and that while I live in her house – it’s Dad's too but that seems irrelevant –  her views count.  I feel so crushed and it’s so unfair.  All my friends seem to get on with their parents even when they disagree with them.   

I think the way my mother treats me is wrong and I don’t like her for it.  I’m not perfect, but I am okay and her stopping me from being me is just horrid.   

And yet…sometimes when we are out at a family celebration my mother is the life and soul of the party.  She looks beautiful and is funny and charming.  I feel proud of her and even love her.  It’s natural to love your mother, not least because as a child you need her so much.  But some of her behaviour must be a façade.   Once we get home she starts shouting at me about things I said that she didn’t like.  How I interrupted her and ruined her evening.  ‘Can’t I enjoy anything?’ she says. 

I meanwhile have no idea what I did wrong.  Worse than that I don’t have anyone I can trust to understand me if I explain that although I do love my mother I also really, really dislike her.   I don’t know how to manage it. 

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