Overpowering Mum

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My mother’s behaviour is outrageous.  I’m eighteen but she treats me as if I was a day-dreaming five year old and clueless about life.

Over the last six months several of my T-shirts have gone missing.  I bought them with some money I earned working weekends in the local ice cream shop.  When I eventually asked her if she’d seen them, not an easy thing to do, because I knew I would open myself up to a stream of criticism, she had the cheek to say she’d thrown them out as they didn’t suit me. 

I was furious.  What I wear is nothing to do with her if I buy it with my own money.  I stormed out of the house even though it was pouring with rain I ended up walking around the local shopping centre until I calmed down.

She got her own back as soon as I came back. 

I’d left my mobile behind in my rush to get away.  It had rung while I was out and she’d answered it.  Harry, my new boyfriend had phoned to check all was okay for tonight and she told him I had already gone out and must have forgotten about seeing him and as I’d left my mobile at home there was no point in him calling again. 

THANK YOU MUM!  When I tried to call him his phone rang out without going to the answerphone. 

Mum’s behaviour is overpowering and crushing.  She  makes me feel I have no  value as a human being and I can’t choose for myself what I like and dislike.  I just don’t know how to deal with her.  It’s too humiliating to ask my friends as their mothers seem to respect them and see them as proper people with their own views.  My mother’s disapproval rating of me is sky high,  even though my nature is quite conventional.  I can’t wait to be financially independent and leave home.  Then, hopefully I will have the courage to ignore her.

OUR ADVICE

In this situation we recommend you try your hardest to manage your anger and not react or retaliate.  It won't help. Also rushing out in a hurry means you are likely to forget something essential like your phone, keys or money. See our Coping page on the website for lots of ways to deal with angry feelings.

Once you are 18 you could start making plans to move out. This sort of intrusive and overbearing parent will not let up so you need to protect yourself as well as your possessions.