I am a people pleaser. I hate any sort of discord and bad feeling whether it involves friends or family.  I can’t bear anyone getting irritated, cross or even disagreeing with me.  It’s why I try to avoid telling anyone how I vote, what I think about Brexit or any LGBT issue.  I have quite strong views on all these things, but I just cringe at the mere thought of getting into an argument.   I also give in over chores at home.  In theory we are all supposed to pitch in, but in practice it’s usually down to me.  I’ll clear up anyone’s mess, rather than take a stand and make them to it themselves, or at least help. 

My overriding thought is always that I must patch things up quickly and calm down whoever is tetchy and feel my role is to make everyone else feel better regardless of how I am affected.   In retrospect I am often aware that I have caved in and been too accommodating and that I should have taken a stand.  I don’t see myself as a pushover, it’s just a horror of confrontation especially with those I love.  I can also feel panicky that they might abandon me.

I realise that it is a legacy of my childhood and having to deal with a difficult mother.  She was so easily roused and would shout and criticise me for the least thing.  For years I felt I was walking on egg shells.  I tried hard to be the child I thought she wanted and not upset her, but it was something I never felt I achieved.   Now I believe I set myself an impossible task because she was always looking for a fight.  I think she liked the adrenalin rush of being angry and wielding power over me.

I would be really interested to know how others in a similar position have coped.

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