My wife has just had our first baby and I am not sure what to do. Part of me is overwhelmed with love for our tiny boy but another part is tremendously anxious. It might sound crazy but I worry about opening up to my emotions and loving him too much.
How will I cope if, when he’s older, he lets me down?
As far back as I can remember I have never totally trusted anyone. I am almost always on a low level alert, which shoots up to red alert at the least provocation. I realise it is a form of self protection, which was how I coped with my late father. He was always letting me down and going against his word across many different areas. From offering to take me to a football match but then being too busy or helping me buy my first car, when he claimed he was short of money.
For years the only person I relied on was myself. I was very cautious with friends and even more so when dating girls. I never thought I would get married because I never wanted to reveal my true feelings and needs in case I got hurt. But then I met my current wife at work. We slowly became friends and over time I felt increasingly comfortable with her.
We may not be an outwardly passionate pair but we are the best of friends which is more than I ever imagined. But having our baby is a totally different experience and I am slightly panicking about how I feel and what I should do. Can I get over my past and or will it haunt me for ever?