Saying my father wasn’t a sympathetic type is an understatement. He even told me to ‘man up’ and ‘get over it’ before I went to primary school.
He even said 'don't make a fuss' when I fell and broke my arm. He behaved in the same way each time I had flu and a high temperature. As a result I learnt to keep physical pain to myself and emotional aspects of my life too. But I eventually managed to distance myself from my father who has become worse as he’s got older.
Surprisingly enough all this changed a few months ago when some builders made a mess of some new tiling in my flat. I went ballistic and shouted and swore at them. They apologised, redid the work and cut the charges. I didn’t feel triumphant. Instead I kept asking myself why I over- reacted and made such a fuss. I’ve come to the conclusion that the pent up feelings I’d kept inside me for so long had suddenly spilled over.
I haven’t had another episode of anger like that, thank goodness. Instead a feeling of calm rather than stress descends when I am about to see my father, which has never happened before. I have also been able to take a step back, see him for what he is - an unpleasant, unfeeling individual - and he no longer makes me feel angry or down.
Can you make any sense of this for me?