I have tried my hardest to get on better terms with my mother, but it’s all been one way. She was pretty unpleasant when I was a child but I had hoped that once I’d married and had children she would enjoy being a grandmother.
My daughters are eight and six and I work four days a week. We visit my parents regularly and invite them over. Partly I admit because I want to prove to her that I am a better person than she gave me credit for and partly because deep down I want her to like me.
I also bend over backwards for her but it is something she expects rather than is grateful for. She does not reciprocate, even when there is a family emergency. I rarely ask her to help out as she makes such a big deal of it all, but it really hurts me that she is so unsupportive. My husband travels a lot for work and sometimes I really need some practical support. If I give her notice when I’d like her to help me, she refuses to commit herself in advance and in the end always pulls out. When it’s last minute she finds endless excuses why she can’t help me. In fact she has never once picked either of the girls from school and on the rare occasions I am ill, she suddenly gets unwell too and has to stay at home. I have begun to think she enjoys me being harassed. My girls are not very keen on their grandmother either so I am thinking I should just forget about pleasing her, not visit and wait for her to want us.