My horrid mother did a good job in making me feel insecure. (I am being sarcastic ) I never knew what mood she would be in and always felt I was walking on egg shells at home. One word out of place and she wouldn’t speak to me sometimes for several days. She also let rip if I wore something she didn’t like and has always harshly criticised my shape and looks.
I learnt from my painful experiences to hold back my emotions with friends because I told myself it would help save me from getting hurt if the relationship fell apart. But in my late twenties I fell in love and I married three years later. He is a good man, at least I think so, but so hard working that he is often distracted and I don’t see much of him. The problem is I am beginning to feel very insecure. I’ve opened my heart to him and I know if the marriage was to fail I just couldn’t cope. I have asked him to cut down a little with work and he’s said it’s difficult to do while the country is in chaos and good jobs are difficult to find. I wonder if I worrying unnecessarily and he loves me dearly. More upsetting is the realisation that the nervous wary little girl still exists deep inside me.