I have never got on with my mother. And she dislikes me. I can do no right in her eyes and she regularly tells me that all her friends have daughters who are much more dutiful/caring/helpful than me. I expect these daughters also have a more loving less critical mother, but I keep my mouth shut.
I was delighted to get away when I got married to a man who appreciates me for who I am. We also have two lovely boys. Having a child made me to think long and hard about what sort of mother I wanted to be. I couldn’t love my own mother, but I decided to be decent and not interfere with any relationship she might have with my children. I think grandmothers are very important in children’s life and I didn’t want to spoil that.
However my mother still tries to put me down whenever she sees me. At her request I take the children round to see her at lunch-time on a Saturday and leave mid afternoon. Things have got worse over the last month or so. She mother happily feeds the children but refuses to give me anything to eat. My younger son, who is four but very observant asked her why she didn’t give ‘mummy’ anything and she went into a tirade about how I didn’t deserve a meal. I managed to cut her short by telling the boys I wasn’t hungry as I didn’t want to worry them.
Nevertheless both of them were very upset as I drove home, particularly as she is repeating her behaviour each time we visit. They have told me they don’t want to go to see her any more, which is I think their way of showing loyalty to me. Should I insist or persuade them to see her tell my mother why they are upset and finish the relationship?
