If your horrid parent is close to dying you might want to try to prepare yourself ahead.
Maybe consider whether there is anything you could do at this point that might help you.
It might help to write down some of your thoughts and feelings:
- what are the negative things about your parent?
- what are some positive things?
- what led to your parent becoming so horrid?
- how have you coped so far?
Would it help to talk things over with your parent? Another family member? A close friend?
If this is too painful to think about at the moment that’s ok too.
You are not alone with the enormity of this.
Your aims are to help prepare your self ahead of their death:
To accept that your parent will never change and that this is not your fault.
To accept that there is likely to be a profound sense unfairness.
To accept that on their death you may be more shocked than you expect.
Or conversely that you are less shocked.
To become as compassionate as you can for both yourself and your horrid parent.
If your horrid parent has already died this can be incredibly difficult, so here are some thoughts:
Some people feel enormous relief that the parent can’t hurt them anymore.
Some people feel angry that their parent has never accepted the pain they caused or apologised.
Some people feel frustrated that they didn’t get a chance to tell their parent about their hurt.
Some people still wish that they had had a loving parent.
Some people have a strong sense of unfinished business.
Some people feel guilt about their relationship.
Most people feel a mix of these.
This is really uncomfortable and challenging but if you can make time to work on your thoughts and feelings it may help release you from some of the intensity.