Building Self-Confidence

Being confident is important in many aspects of life but hard to feel it if your horrid parent crushes your spirit.  Fortunately there are several quite simple steps that can help.  For example, try to picture smiling at yourself - you can look at a photo, in a mirror or just imagine looking at your face. While you’re smiling kindly, think about some of the things that you most like about yourself.  These might be qualities that your friends admire, or positive things that only you know about. Perhaps you have recently helped someone, achieved a goal, however small and learnt something new. When you have collected these positive thoughts, if possible, say them out loud. Repeat them at least once a day and choose a favourite, for example: ‘I am a warm and loveable person’ to say as often as you can.

Another self-confidence builder is to become aware of the times you criticise yourself.  It’s  natural to be judgmental but being too negative can be corrosive, especially if you judge yourself as harshly as your horrid parent judges you.  If you have made a mistake, or forgotten something, admit it, think how you might do better next time then let the thought go. 

You may have a friend, classmate or colleague who you see as an ideal person and long to be the same, but comparing yourself unfavourably with others can undermine your confidence. We are all different and have qualities that make us special and loveable.

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It’s also important to be realistic about your goals in life and not to expect to be perfect - this is an opportunity for self-criticism.  Aim to be the best that YOU can be.  Remember that most things take time to master so allow yourself to get them wrong.  Set small goals that you can achieve and when you do, celebrate them. Try to understand what is in your power and what is not. Unkindness by your horrid parent may be beyond your control, but choosing to be kind to yourself and others is up to you and the more you do it the greater love and affection you will feel.