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I have a horrid mother. It’s difficult to admit but she does such nasty things that there is really no doubt about it. I am fifteen now and am beginning to have views and likes and dislikes of my own. But I am not allowed to disagree with my mother. Her view stands and that’s it. I am not talking about politics. It’s more petty stuff like how long my hair is and wanting to be vegan when she likes meat.
If I say anything she disagrees with, she starts shouting, saying I will never amount to anything. That she wishes I had never been born and that while I live in her house – it’s Dad's too but that seems irrelevant – her views count. I feel so crushed and it’s so unfair. All my friends seem to get on with their parents even when they disagree with them.
I think the way my mother treats me is wrong and I don’t like her for it. I’m not perfect, but I am okay and her stopping me from being me is just horrid.
And yet…sometimes when we are out at a family celebration my mother is the life and soul of the party. She looks beautiful and is funny and charming. I feel proud of her and even love her. It’s natural to love your mother, not least because as a child you need her so much. But some of her behaviour must be a façade. Once we get home she starts shouting at me about things I said that she didn’t like. How I interrupted her and ruined her evening. ‘Can’t I enjoy anything?’ she says.
I meanwhile have no idea what I did wrong. Worse than that I don’t have anyone I can trust to understand me if I explain that although I do love my mother I also really, really dislike her. I don’t know how to manage it.