The day you get married is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You have found a partner you love and who loves you and this is the day to celebrate with family and friends.
The reality is that the path from the proposal to the wedding can be fraught with difficulties and stress. Even in happy, supportive families there can be issues over who is being invited, the venue and the overall cost.
If one of you has a horrid parent it can be far worse. We have heard terrible tales that include one side making the other pay for some of their guests as well as their own. Or one side insisting they make decisions and this includes choosing a future daughter in law’s dress. It can get so heated and intense that you feel sidelined and overwhelmed.
It is also possible that your horrid parent will seize the opportunity to control every detail of your special day. In addition they may endlessly criticise your partner or/and you, insisting they can’t see what one of you sees in the other.
There is also the worry about how they will behave on the day itself. One mother of the bride burst into tears when she saw her daughter walk down the stairs at home in her bridal dress. Then promptly left the house. Apparently she felt jealous and couldn’t cope. During the celebrations they could also snub your partner’s family or cause trouble with a relative they didn’t want you to invite. They can even tell you they may not come at all, offering the pretext that the event is taking place too far away, or so and so will be there and they don’t want to see them. Then keep you in suspense about their final decision until the last moment.
We recommend
Well before the wedding you try to rise above any rows and distance yourself by taking some of the steps we recommend in our Coping page.
You confide in your spouse about the concerns you have about your horrid parent so they can support you.
You keep telling yourself that your horrid parent is grabbing their last chance to control you, and that you have the support of someone special who is on your side.
You focus on the fact that you can life your life as you choose and make your own home an oasis of peace and harmony. One that will be very different to what you endured as a child.
On the day itself refuse to let any nasty remark or bad behaviour spoil things. Let yourself float in that special bubble of happiness that belongs to brides and grooms and accumulate as many positive memories as you can.
If there are a few small issues remember that however important your wedding day is, it is only one day and just the beginning of your life together.