I stopped talking to my father fifteen years ago. I was thirty and I could clearly see that his aim was to undermine me and make me feel inadequate.
I moved countries and got on with my life. Occasionally I would feel a little guilty but then I would go through a couple of things he did and said and how my mother was too scared to stop him and the feeling would disappear.
I have never missed him as a person but I have felt sad that I didn’t have a father to share the good things that have happened to me. I am the managing director of my own travel goods company, employ over fifty people and have sales all round the world. I also have a wife who cares about me and three small children.
A few months ago I heard in a roundabout way from a distant cousin who knows one of my wife’s friends that my mother had passed away. I was surprisingly affected particularly as my father didn’t contact me, even though he could find me quite easily. He must be nearly 80 now, an old man with no one to look after him. My younger sister tragically died a few years ago in a car accident. I thought perhaps I’d write him a letter of reconciliation and see where we go from there. I don’t like him as a person but to be honest I don’t want to feel guilty when he too passes away. I realise it is a risk and can bring up all sorts of bad memories. My wife who knows a lot about my past, thinks I should just let things be. Can you help?